Home » Jim Fennell: Poet of CPS

Jim Fennell: Poet of CPS

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Jim’s CPS Biography

Jim’s Poems:

Invisible Pain

Woke in the night with a pain so bad
This fire in my body is all in my head
I really hope you don’t understand
I wouldn’t wish this pain on any man

I just closed the door on my big toe
It probably hurt, but I don’t know
Reminded of a steam roller and a nut
But not to worry, it’s just a small cut

Sometimes the memory of normal fade
What’s the meaning of normal anyway
No painless days is my biggest complaint
Sometimes I remember ,sometimes I can’t

But it’s a new beginning every day
When the memory of normal fade
Running, playing and riding my bike
I think I remember what that’s like

We have to play the cards we’re dealt
Sometimes all alone , without any help
Life continues to go around anyway
And sometimes all we can do is pray

jd fennell 83013

Crazy Pain

We all feel pain sometimes in our life
So thick you couldn’t cut with a knife
It  wakes me up and gets me out of bed
Only to sit and cry, holding my head
It shivers my spine and blurs my eyes
It’s all I can do to try not to cry
My body hurts so bad and feels like lead
But my body is fine, it’s all in my head
My arms are good, my legs are fine
This pain I feel is all in my mind
I just sit and hurt and feel so lazy
This pain I feel is making me crazy
But I  will survive til the end of time
This crazy pain is just in my mind

jd fennell 9113

Free Fireworks Show

I awoke tonight to a free fireworks show
But not in the sky, it’s from down below
And sometimes it screws with my mind
So vivid and bright, it makes me go blind
But I don’t need eyes for this, you see
These fireworks are deep inside of me

There’s giant roman candles in my arm
But they really don’t do that much harm
And all these pretty sparklers in my head
Such beautiful colors, yellow, blue and red
There are giant firecrackers in my back
The really big ones with a real loud crack

On my skin are those funny little snakes
They sizzle and grow and make me shake
Bottle rockets in my veins, I seem to feel
And no possible way these could be real
Maybe a dream and just in my head
Could be a horrible nightmare instead

I don’t understand, are these real pains
Or maybe just an illusion in my brain
My legs are good and the arms are fine
It’s just a fireworks show in my mind
Free fireworks show, but not in the sky
Every night is like the fourth of July

But most of the time, it dont last long
Sit back and listen to your favorite song
But tomorrow it could happen again
In a little while it will come to an end
Just close your eyes and try to believe
There’s another world for you to see

jd fennell  09313

This life

This life of mine makes me want to whine
I feel so helpless some of the time
Unending pain is driving us insane
Confusing and tangllng our brain
Some call us lazy, others say we’re crazy
Its hard to fight, when our minds are hazy
We’re so full of spite because we have fight
To make through the day, sleep thru night
Our lives are blue, I know you feel it too
We need a little relief for me and you
Our days are sad, it makes me mad
Longing for the good life we once had
Life that we loved was sent from above
Delivered to us on the wings of a dove
What we wouldn’t pay for a place to stay
Sleep in peace at night and laugh all day
Sometimes it seems that it’s just a dream
It will be different with the morning gleam
There’s pain in our soul, we’re feeling low
Because life has dealt us a terrible blow

jd fennell – 82813

Whatever It Takes

I try deal with this pain in my head
Not with drugs but laughter instead
A little different than most people do
I try to laugh and crack a joke or two
Laughter is medicine so I am trying
To write it down and send it flying
I put it on paper, then give it away
Or maybe in the trash can anyway
Cant do this when drugs are involved
My brain just feels like it’s dissolved
Now here I am, just telling my jokes
And hoping not to offend you folks
Laughter helps, I do believe it’s so
But some you won’t get it, I know
Some say nothing is funny about pain
But it works for me, it soothes my brain
Whatever it takes to get some relief
Drugs, pills, laughter, or just a belief
Our goal is for the pain to go away
Smile and have a wonderful day

jd fennell  9113-3

All Alone

Do you ever feel you are all alone
Tired and wore down to the bone
Lived a good life and had lots of fun
Spent many good days in the sun

Had some hard times, paid your dues
Run the race and followed the rules
Broke some parts but won some battles
Your worn out body squeaks and rattles

Now tired and rusty its hard to roam
Lost in the world and far from home
Your poor old body has broken down
Friends are gone and no one’s around

Your race is run, your in low gear
Now without a doubt the end is near
You do what you can and await the day
Angels will come and show you the way

jd fennell 090213

CAPTON JOKEMAN

Hey yall Capton Jokeman, here to save the day
Our arch enemy, Dr. Fireballs is comin our way
He hides in your closets and under our beds
When we try to sleep, he sneaks into my heads

I’m Capton Jokeman, I’m the new super hero
Where Dr. Fireballs strikes, I will always go
I fight his red hot fireballs, in my spare time
Whenever Dr. fireballs trys to do his crime

He sneaks around and robs us of our sanity
So when he strikes in the night, call for me
Red hot fireballs is his weapon of choice
Hes little and sneaky, but has squekee voice

A good funny joke will put his fireballs out okay
Jokemans here in my pink tights to save the day
I’ll stop them fireballs and take him down to size
When them red balls fade, Jokeman wins the prize

jd fennell  9x5x13

jokeman to the rescue

HELP ME CAPTAN JOKEMAN; I’m being attacked
Dr Firballs has got me stretched out on his rack
Those red hot fireballs are causing me pain
So I’m callin on you for help , once again
there going down my arms and coming up my leg
Please come help me Capten Jokeman, I beg

Da de toot dee A, It’s Craptin Jockman here
and I’ve olny had two or five beers
I will make dat Duc Furballs surrender
Quiker dan you can say  ‘frog in a blender’
Green shoes, pink tights,and purple wig on top
Here I am to make those red fireballs stop

Farballs can’t stand up to a rarely good joke
so I’ll just give him a really substational poke
Whats red and green and goin a hunard and two
Seems like I alrady gave him a really good clue
So here i’m are, do daw doe daw dippity A
I really hope this helpes to improve your day

jd fennell   097013

WOW, it really works

Well, I have some good news and I got some bad
You know that numb feeling I told you I had
Last doctor told me it would probably go away
Somewhere down the road, one of these days
Well, I just awoke in the middle of the night
To find out he really knew, that he was right
But the numbness has just turned into the pain
That damn burning sensation is winning again
But the really strange thing, that I just realized
That my writing really cuts the pain down to size
The pain that I am feeling just turns into a vapor
I open my brain and words just fall out on paper
Im not on any drugs, my brain is not desloved
I can really do this when no pills are involved
WOW, I’ve only been up thirty minutes or so
This pain in my legs is already starting to go
Just by focusing my brain on trying to write
I’m  ready for another nap ,,,, so good night

jd fennell  91513-2:38 am

Just a Little Fit of Pain

I just woke up in the night in little a fit of pain
I stumbled to my chair to sit and write again
As I sat moving and stretching, I started to yawn
Big yawns isn’t a good thing , this early before dawn
I can feel every muscle in my body try to contract
It paralyzes me momentarily and I just can’t react
My wife just spoke, but I’m not sure what she said
I was trying to picture this silly cartoon in my head;
My enemy has my feet nailed to a couple of fence post
Turning me into a slingshot, my feet hurting the most
Stretching me like a rubber band, pulling on my head
When he turns me loose, everything will turn red
Then another big yawn brings me back to my senses
I told my wife I was dreaming about painting fences
She said that she was sorry that I was hurting so bad
I told her not to worry, that it was all just in my head
Then I said if she was at fault, would she please quit
And then I thought that it had hurt her feelings a bit
I apologized and said I was only trying to be funny
Then she said ‘Nothing is funny about pain, Honey.’
I was still grinning about the cartoon in my head
When I told her about it, I thought it made her mad
When she frowned at me, I could very plainly see
She said if I would quit mumbling, she might agree
I was mumbling to myself and she didn’t understand
Both of us were laughing when I started to yawn again
We were laughing so hard I almost fell out in the floor
I realized the pain had eased, so we laughed even more
Now, distraction and laughter is my kind of pain relief
For me, it works better than pills, that’s what I believe
If I have a choice, I’ll choose the laughter every time
Laughter makes life better and it doesn’t cost a dime
Just fill your head with all the silly thoughts you can
There will not be enough room for the pain to begin
To take control of your body or to rule your mind.
If you can train your brain to leave the pain behind

jd fennell 92313


7 Comments

    • Dion says:

      Jim:

      I’m a cps survivor of 14 years. I like your attitude of not going down without a fight; I’m an old fighter and feel the same. Although we may have been knocked down, we’re not out yet, huh? It’s good to have others in our corner in the fight of our lives (we are not alone).
      I also like your poetry.
      Do you still live in TX? So do I.
      dion

      • Anonymous says:

        yes ,just south of Austin

      • 3gmsdion says:

        I currently am staying in Houston. I’m from the country, too & don’t like it here much. But, I’m disabled and live with my mother; she lives here so I don’t have lots of choices. I think we are in the same pain boat & maybe could be friends as I admire your spirit. How are you handling the cps? I’ve been living with it since having a stroke 14 years ago. As one of the “oldest” survivors, I’ve befriended and helped many people, although I’m just 55. I could use more friends who understand what we go through; how about you?I can always use people in my corner to help me in the fight of my life. I was living in WA state, until recently, where I could get “legal”medical marijuana-it works really well (the best) on cps. Too bad– I can’t find it here. Can you? I can’t even find street mj here, believe it or not!(?). Are there mmj clinics in your area? I would accept any source at this point; it doesn’t have to be a clinic (that’s just the way they do it in WA).Sorry to be so blunt, but I’m desperate, not having any since May when my husband brutally kicked me out destitute and without anything. So I was forced to live with my mother [?]. Write back if you want, whether or not you think you can help me with mmj (just having a friend is enough-I don’t have many). Friends tend to abandon you when you’re disabled-have you found that to be true, also? most of us in the cps support group have lost all friends and family. So, I’m just sitting here drinking alone like George Thurgood (sp?), but without wheels (I don’t drive). Yours in cps, Dion

  1. Anonymous says:

    dion, theres a great support group on facebook and new folks joining every day….https://www.facebook.com/groups/Cpssufferers/

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