Home » Ursula Pegg: Poet of CPS

Ursula Pegg: Poet of CPS

About Ursula

Ursula’s Poems:

—–

CPS, WRITTEN ON 1-18-11
THE PAIN THAT A LASTING HOME IN OUR BODY FOUND
SETTLED IN WITH THE AIM TO WIDEN OUT.
THE BODY COULD NOT FIGHT
THE AGGRESSORS DEMAND FOR HORIZONS WIDE.
AFTER ALL, WHAT WAS THERE TO DO,
WHEN DOCTORS, WHO COULD TREAT IT, WERE BUT FEW?
EVEN LESS OF THEM OF WEAPONS KNEW
TO CHALLENGE THIS GREEDY INVADER TO FIGHT
AND HELP US, WHO STRUGGLE FROM MORNING TILL NIGHT.
EVEN FINDING CPS, THE ELUSIVE NAME
OR THE SOURCE FROM WHICH IT CAME
A HARD NUT TO CRACK FOR DOCTORS BECAME.
FINALLY THEY CALLED IT CENTRAL PAIN,
IF THE INVADER HAD DAMAGED THE BRAIN
OR NICKED THE SPINAL CORD, RESULTS WERE THE SAME
NERVE SHATTERING SENSATIONS, INVASIVE PAIN
WE MUST BE STRONG TO SURVIVE THIS ENDLESS DRAIN
ON OUR RESOURCES AS CPS BATTERS DIFFERENT BODY PARTS.
WHAT KEEPS ON BEATING MUST BE THE STOUTEST OF HEARTS.
WE ARE TOUGHER THAN WE THOUGHT TO LIVE WITH THIS PAIN.
SUICIDE MIGHT ONCE HAVE BECKONED, BUT UNITED WE SUSTAIN
EACH OTHER IN THE WORRY ABOUT THIS INVADER, SO SLY
THAT IT CHOSE TO REMAIN HIDDEN FROM THE PUBLIC EYE
SHOULD WE BE HAPPY TO LOOK NORMAL OR UTTER A LOUD CRY?

URSULA
—–

FRIENDSHIP — WRITTEN ON 7/15/06
I HAVE A GOOD FRIEND, WHO LIVES FAR FROM HERE,
YET WE HAVE NEVER REALLY MET.
WHILE I ADMIT THAT I DO REGRET
PERSONALLY ACQUAINTED WE MOST LIKELY WILL NEVER GET.
THE BONDS WE FOUND OVER THE INTERNET
HAVE BEEN FORMED CLOSER THAN WITH SOMEONE NEAR.
THEY WERE FORGED BY MUTUAL PAIN AND THE OCCASIONAL TEAR.
AT SOME POINT OUR THOUGHTS GO BEYOND OUR TROUBLE
WITH COMMON INTERESTS WE CAN ILLUMINATE EACH OTHER.
OUR FRIENDSHIP MAY NOT BE OF THE ORDINARY KIND,
WE SIMPLY WERE GRANTED A MEETING OF THE MIND.
WRITING IS THE PERFECT WAY FOR EXPLORATION
OF THE UNIVERSE AND GOD’S CREATION.
MY FRIEND ALSO GIVES VALUED AID
TO OTHERS TROUBLED BY A SIMILAR FATE.
SHARED GRIEF INDEED MEANS HALF THE SORROW,
WHILE SHARED JOY IS BOUND TO BE DOUBLED.
UNITED BY THE THOUGHT THERE MAY BE A BETTER TOMORROW
OUR E-MAILS SOMEHOW LEAVE US LESS TROUBLED.

URSULA
—–

ON CENTRAL PAIN 1
I SUFFER FROM A SYNDROME, A TRULY HORRIBLE BANE.
NEUROLOGISTS, WHO TREAT IT, CALL IT CENTRAL PAIN.
A HARDLY KNOWN AFFLICTION HARBORED BY MY BRAIN.
WHICH MAKES TORTURE LINGER
FROM A THALAMIC FLICK OF NATURE’S FINGER.
THERE IS A CRAWLING SENSATION IN MY LEFT HAND AND ARM
TO INFLICT ON MIND AND BODY IRREPARABLE HARM.
I FEAR IT IS SPREADING TO MY LEFT HAND AND FOOT.
ARE ANTS OR OTHER CRAWLERS AT THE INVISIBLE ROOT?
SO FAR COUNTLESS PILLS HAVE BEEN GIVEN A TRY.
YET CPS NEVER CAUGHT THE PUBLIC EYE.
I SUFFER FROM DEPRESSIONS. BOY DO I EVER FEEL BLUE!!
BUT I KNOW I FOOLED OTHERS, I WILL FOOL YOU TOO.
THE HEALTHY LOOK I PROJECT
IS AN ILLUSION – LOOK AT MY EYES TO DETECT
THE DEEP WELL OF TORMENT THEY SURELY REFLECT.
BODY AND MIND YEARN FOR PERMANENT REST,
YET AS A RESPONSIBLE PERSON I MUST DO MY BEST
WITH THE LITTLE STRENGTH I WAS GIVEN,
I HAVE TO GO ON LIVING.

URSULA
—–

ON CENTRAL PAIN 2
CPS ALLIANCE BECAME OUR COMMON GROUND,
WHERE WE COMFORT AND UNDERSTANDING FOUND,
AN UNDERSTANDING MANY DOCTORS HAD DENIED.
OVER THEIR COLD TREATMENT FLOODS OF TEARS  WERE CRIED.
INDEED, MANY PROFESSIONALS HAVE NOT PASSED THE TEST
TO DIAGNOSE WHAT AILS US, NOR DID THEY TRY THEIR BEST
TO PUT THE SYNDROME IN PUBLIC VIEW,
FROM WHICH DIE UNINFORMED COULD FINALLY DRAW A CLUE.
SO MANY DISEASES ARE PUBLICIZED,
THEIR URGENCY BROUGHT BEFORE THE PUBLIC’S EYES.
WHY DID CENTRAL PAIN STAY MISDIAGNOSED AND MISUNDERSTOOD
BY THE MEDICAL PROFESSION’S BROTHERHOOD?
INDEED, IT IS TIME WE WERE FINALLY HEARD
AND THE CONSCIENCE AND KNOWLEDGE OF DIAGNOSTICIANS STIRRED
MOST OF US KNOW THAT FOR OUR PAIN
THE SOURCE IS NOT SOUGHT DEEP IN THE BRAIN.
WE MAY BE DEALING WITH AN ANCIENT BAIN
AND CAN ASSUME OUR FOREFATHERS SUFFERED THE SAME
BURNING, CRAWLING, NERVE SHATTERING SENSATION
LEADING TO MISERY AND SUICIDAL DEPRESSION.
HOWEVER, WE HAIL THE DOCTORS WHO SOMEHOW UNDERSTAND
AND STAUNCH OUR SUFFERING WITH A PIONEER’S HAND.
SO MUCH STILL NEEDS TO BE DONE IN THE MEDICAL FIELD
BEFORE EXPLORATION OF CPS RESULTS WILL LEAD.
IN THE MEANTIME, CPS ALLIANCE GIVES US CONSOLATION
THROUGH OUR EXCHANGE OF PERTINENT INFORMATION.
I DON’T WANT TO FORGET THE SUFFERING FOLKS WE MET,
THE FRIENDSHIPS WE BUILT OVER THE INTERNET.
I FEEL SUCH FONDNESS FOR THEM ALL
FOR I KNOW THE IMPACT OF THIS OBSCURE SYNDROME’S TOLL.

URSULA
—–

REFLECTIONS ON CENTRAL PAIN
STRAINING EYES – I WAS LOOKING AT THE CLOCK
TO FIGURE OUT EXACTLY, WHEN THE PAIN ME OVERTOOK
I SAW THE TIME MOVING FORWARD WITH FEAR
SENSING WITH DREAD MY DAILY PAIN WAS DRAWING NEAR

AS THE CUCKOO CROWED HIS LONGEST CRY,
MY LEFT SIDE  BEGAN TO TINGLE, BURN  AND I KNEW WHY.
THE HERALDS OF MY DAILY UNRELENTING PAIN,
WHICH OFTEN WITH BEARABLE MORNING HOURS BEGAN

TIME NOW TO RELAX, TO END MY DAILY CHORE.
FROM NOW ON EVERY MOVE I MAKE WILL HURT ME MORE
APPARENTLY BODY AND MIND AT REST DURING THE NIGHT
GRANT ME IN THE MORN A FEW HOURS RESPITE

THE MAJOR PART OF MY DAY IS RULED BY “A PILL”
A GREAT VARIETY WHICH SHOULD, BUT DON’T THEIR JOB FULFILL
I DON’T EXPECT A MIRACLE CURE MY PAIN TO STILL
BUT DREAMS OF A PAIN FREE FUTURE STILL GIVE ME A THRILL.

FORTUNATELY I LIKE TO READ AND WRITE
GOD IN HIS WISDOM GRANTED ME GOOD SIGHT
SITTING IN COMFORT HOLDS MY PAIN AT BAY
IMMERSED IN OTHER WORLDS, MAKES MY LONELY DAY.

URSULA
—–

OUR LONGING
I KNEW, OF COURSE, I WAS NOT TO BLAME,
YET THERE I STOOD, EYES DOWNCAST, FEELING SHAME
FOR CAUSING CHAOS AT THE DINNER TABLE,
BECAUSE OF SHOOTING PAINS I HAD NOT BEEN ABLE
TO SAVE THE HEAVY DISH FROM COLLAPSING,
COLD, CRITICAL EYES ON ME ARE FIXING.
OH, SCOLDING EYES FOLLOW ME IN MY DREAMS
PRAISE FOR SUCCESSFUL EFFORTS ARE MISSING, IT SEEMS.
I KEEP TRYING SO HARD
TO PLAY AN EFFICIENT PART
IN WHAT IS STILL EXPECTED OF ME.
YET HOW WONDERFUL WORDS OF PRAISE WOULD BE.
MIND YOU, JUST OCCASIONALLY
BUT WHO COULD FATHOM THE PAIN RIPPING THROUGH ME
NO HOPE FOR A CURE!
WE HAVE TO ENDURE!
THEY MUST PERCEIVE HOW HARD I STILL TRY
BUT NEVER ACKNOWLEDGE MY TRIUMPHS. – WHY?
OH, HOW I LONG FOR A GENTLE PAT ON MY SHOULDER
IN MY PAINFUL QUEST
AND HEAR: “I KNOW YOU HURT, BUT YOU ARE STILL THE BEST!”

URSULA

 —
Never Again
AS MANY YEARS HAVE COME AND GONE
THERE ARE STARK MOMENTS, WHEN I PONDER ON
THE END OF MY LIFE’S PLEASANT ACTIVITIES.
WHICH LATELY HAVE GROWN BEYOND MY ABILITIES
AT TIMES IT IS HARD TO DEAL WITH THE THOUGHT
OF FORGOING THE THINGS TRUE PLEASURE BROUGHT.
TO KNOW I WILL NEVER AGAIN OVERCOME THE BOUNDARY
MY PHYSICAL PROBLEMS HAVE SET FOR ME
AND INFRINGED ON MY FORMER WAY OF LIFE.
PAINED STEPS FOR ME ARE A DAILY STRIFE
THE RIVER ONCE WAS MY DESIRED AIM
TO WALK BY ITS BANKS IN SUN OR RAIN.
IT BROUGHT A SOLACE I COULD FEEL DEEP IN MY SOUL
HIKING FOR PLEASURE IS NOW AN UNREACHABLE GOAL
OLD AGE AND PAIN DID NOT SLOWLY INVADE MY BEING
ON THE CONTRARY, IT CAME AS QUITE A SURPRISE,
WHEN THE MIRROR BETRAYED TO MY SEARCHING EYES
IN ITS MAGNIFICATION A SHOCKED, TIRED STARE
IT WAS THE MOMENT TO MAKE ME AWARE
OF FACIAL CHANGE IN THE REVEALING GLASS’ GLARE
AGE DEFYING TREATMENTS MODERN WOMEN TRY
ARE THE MOST FOOLISH CREAMS A WOMAN CAN BUY
HOW COULD I HAVE KNOWN: FROM MIDDLE TO SENIOR YEARS
IS THE SHORTEST JUMP THROUGH LIFE, IT APPEARS
FINALLY I SENSED THERE IS NO TURNING BACK
MY MIND IS ALERT, BUT MY BODY IS SLACK.
NEVER AGAIN WILL I ENGAGE IN SIMPLE SPORT,
SUCH AS LONG WALKS OR THINGS OF THAT SORT.
FOR PAIN LAYS HEAVILY ON MY LEFT SHOULDER
AND CONSUMES MY ARM AND LEG WITH A MERCILESS GNAW.
WHERE IS THE RESPECT AND FEELING OF AWE
AFFORDED THE OLD AND FRAIL IN OTHER CIVILIZATIONS
GOD HELP US IN A SOCIETY OF YOUTH ORIENTATION.
I HAVE LEARNT TO ACCEPT MYSELF THE WAY THAT I AM
THESE ARE JUST FLEETING MOMENTS WHEN I CAN
REFLECT ON THE FACT THAT I WILL NEVER AGAIN
STEP OVER THE THRESHOLD INTO LIFE’S BUSTLING ENDEAVOR
AS MY MIND RESOUNDS WITH THE UNFORGIVING WORD
NEVER.

URSULA
—–

countless facets of central pain
on this gray morning i woke up in horror
i can’t  describe the immediate terror
that seized me when my left leg from foot to hip
appeared seized by pincers in a merciless grip
this is the first time to wake up from sleep
when all i want is cry out and weep.
the gray in the window seemed like a threat
that my leg would be useless when i tried to get
out of my bed in time for my toilette
i made it and in utter gloom i sat,
when as usual to greet me, in came my cat
expecting me to rub and pat
her soft furry body with the expected praise
for what i might ask you? but i was able to raise
my voice to a statement of love quite loud
so happy when my cat her “ditto” meowed
just a short happy moment
not  the end of this pain
how many days will i be able to  sustain
enough strength for this endless reign
of cps suffering, inflicted by my brain.

Ursula
—–

aggravation
I ALMOST THREW SOMETHING COSTLY ON THE WALL
BECAUSE I COULDN’T OPEN IT AT ALL
MY FINGERS STILL HURT FROM A DESPERATE TRY.
I DREW BLOOD, I NOTICE WITH A SIGH
HOW SAD THAT THE FEEBLE, THE DESPERATELY SICK
ARE LEFT TO FIGURE OUT A TRICK
TO OPEN A PILL BOTTLE, FOR WHICH A FORTUNE WAS PAID
NUMB FINGERS WON’T DO – LET’S SUMMON THE HAMMER FOR AID.
WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS PLOT?
WOULD WE BE SPARED, IF THE TYLENOL KILLER WAS CAUGHT
IF IN 82 HE HAD BEEN CLEARLY IDENTIFIED,
AND ANY COPY-CATS HOPEFULLY HAD ALSO BEEN TRIED.
HATEFUL INVENTIONS THAT LEAVE US DISTRAUGHT.
HOW TO OPEN SOMETHING WE JUST BOUGHT.
HOW FONDLY WE REMEMBER MOMENTS OF THE PAST,
WHEN ANYTHING WE BOUGHT, WE COULD OPEN FAST.

URSULA
—–

for a friend with love
so strange, after major surgery
life appears quite different to be
friends seems so much closer to me
tender feelings for them growing by degree
the sun sweeping over woods and field
fall makes them sparkle and shine
God, i thank you that it is all mine
more than i expected by your grand design.
not to fool you, i own nothing at all,
but as far as my eyes can reach,
i own it all.
what we define as ownership can bring debt and sorrow
i have no debt, forcing me to borrow
but my roving eyes will not betray me
i own all of nature’s beauty
as far as i can see.

ursula
—–

SOMETHING TO CHEER US ALL UP – OH, WHAT IRONY
AS I MAKE MY WAY THROUGH PAINFUL DAYS,
I AM SHOCKED AT THE INDIFFERENCE OF MY WAYS.
LET THE CHIPS FALL WHERE THEY MAY,
IS A RECURRING THOUGHT EVERY DAY.
EVERYTHING THAT FROM MY HANDS WILL FALL
STAYS ON THE FLOOR UNTIL I AM UP TO COLLECT IT ALL
I CAN BE RESOURCEFUL, THE GRIPPER ON HAND
THIS THING, READY TO FOLLOW MY COMMAND.
IF BY ANY CHANCE PHIL HAPPENS BY,
YOU BET IN HIS ORDERLY FASHION HE WILL TRY
TO BEAT THE GRIPPER, YES, ON HIM FOR THAT I RELY.
I SHIVER, I WILL NEED THEM BOTH TILL I DIE,
‘CAUSE THE OUTLOOK FOR CPS IS RATHER GRIM,
AS IS THE HOPE THAT I WILL AGAIN BE SLIM.
I SIMPLY CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT MY MEDICINE
TO THE LIFE OF A”PLUMP” LADY I AM RESIGNED
MY DAYS OF BEAUTY I LONG LEFT  BEHIND
LET’S FACE IT, ACCORDING TO PHIL
EVEN DAILY HOURS ON A TREADMILL
WOULDN’T KEEP ME FROM GOING DOWNHILL.

URSULA
—–

Subject: pain increase
DURING EACH YEAR OF AGE WE GAIN,
WE ALSO BECOME THE VESSELS FOR MORE PAIN.,
AN ENEMY THAT SLIPS SILENTLY IN,
AND IN THIS BATTLE IT’S HARD TO WIN
THE UPPER HAND,
WHEN IT BECOMES A PAIN WE CANNOT STAND.
WE MUST RELY ON HOPE FOR TOMORROW,
WHICH MIGHT BRING LESS PAIN AND SORROW.
NOT KNOWING ME, YOU WON’T BELIEVE,
FROM WHAT AGGRAVATION I MUST MYSELF RETRIEVE.
BUT FORCE YOUR MOUTH INTO A SMILE,
IT WILL HELP YOU CONQUER A FURTHER MILE
A HIGHER FORCE GIVES US STRENGTH TO SUSTAIN
ENOUGH ENERGY TO MAINTAIN
CORRESPONDENCE WITH THOSE WHO BECAME OUR FRIEND
THOSE DEAR HURTING FOLKS, WHO UNDERSTAND
HOW MUCH WILLPOWER IT TAKES REFRAINING
FROM A PATTERN OF CONSTANT COMPLAINING
DID I ACTUALLY JUST CRY?
WHEN NO TEAR BURST FROM MY EYE
I SWALLOW,  HAVING TAUGHT MY EYES TO STAY DRY.

ursula
—–

MY LAST DANCE
TODAY I DANCED MY LAST DANCE
IF THIS SOUNDS LIKE THE END OF A ROMANCE
LET ME IMMEDIATELY CORRECT THIS IMPRESSION.
MY DANCING FOR YEARS HAS BEEN A LONELY SESSION
WHILE ROMANCE HAD GONE FROM MY MIND YEARS AGO
WITHOUT A PARTNER I LOVED DANCING THE TANGO
AS A REGIMEN OF DAILY EXERCISE.
WITHOUT MY THOUGHTS EVER CAUGHT BY ROMANCE,
I FORCED MYSELF TO THIS LONELY DANCE,
SINCE THE STRENGTH FOR OTHER EXERCISE ELUDED ME
THE DANCE SET ME FOR A MOMENT FREE
FROM THE PAIN THAT WAS EATING AWAY AT ME.
WHAT FAILED ME TODAY WAS A SENTIMENTAL TANGO
IT DID NOT SENT ME BACK TO TIMES LONG AGO,
BUT CRUELLY STOPPED ME INSTEAD IN MY STRIDE,
WHILE THE GNAWING PAIN IN MY LEFT SIDE
TO AN UNBELIEVABLE DEGREE INTENSIFIED.
MY BODY SEEMED PIERCED BY A LANCE
SUDDENLY I KNEW THIS HAD BEEN MY LAST CHANCE
TO MOVE TO A TANGO, MY FAVORITE DANCE.

URSULA
—–

lament of the cps sufferer
NO DOCTOR HAS FREED ME FROM THE FANGS OF MY PAIN,
WHICH A DAMAGED THALAMUS BEAMS DOWN FROM MY BRAIN.
DAYS HAVE TURNED INTO WEEKS – MONTHS INTO ENDLESS YEARS.
WITH NO ONE SUSPECTING THE INWARD FLOW OF MY TEARS,
FOR MY EYES ALWAYS STAYED DRY,
AND MY LIPS NEVER UTTERED THE BITTER WORD “WHY?”
INDEED WHY TALK ABOUT PAIN OTHERS CAN’T UNDERSTAND,
OR MAKE FRIENDS FEEL I MIGHT NEED A HAND..
FOLKS  EXPECT THE SICK TO GET WELL AFTER A WHILE.
ONLY IF THEY HAD WORN MY SHOES FOR A MILE,
COULD THEY FATHOM THE IMPACT OF UNRELENTING PAIN,
AND HOW MUCH FORTITUDE IT TAKES TO SUSTAIN
A SENSE OF NORMALCY IN  DAILY LIFE,
WHEN A MONSTER’S CRUEL GRIP HOLDS FAST TO MY SIDE.
HOW DO AFFLICTED PREVAIL, WHEN IT CHOOSES TO RESIDE
IN ITS SWELLING BURNING FASHION WITHIN THEIR GOOD SIDE?
DISTRAUGHT, YET THANKFUL THAT MY RIGHT SIDE WAS SPARED.
GOD IN HIS WISDOM FOR SURE MUST HAVE CARED
TO LEAVE IN TACT MY CAPABLE SIDE,
ON WHICH IN MY LIFE I HAD ALWAYS RELIED.
FOR EVEN THE DOCTOR, WHO CAME ACROSS THE SEA,
HAS NOT BEEN ABLE TO SET ME FREE.

URSULA
—–

OUR VERY PERSONAL PAIN
IF THINKING YOUR PAIN IS INCREASED BY THE MOON,
IT’S WANING OUGHT TO BRING RELIEF TO YOU SOON.
SPRING HERE, THUNDERSTORMS CAUSE ELECTRICITY,
WHICH REALLY CAN BRING YOU TO YOUR KNEE.
BUT THE WORST PAIN IS CAUSED BY STRESS,
IN OUR WAY OF LIFE SO HARD TO SUPPRESS
IT MIGHT BE MONEY TROUBLE WE ARE IN,
COUPLED WITH A LACK OF MEDICINE
OR A FIGHT FOR SSI WE CAN’T SEEM TO WIN.
BUT OUR PAIN REACHES THE GREATEST HIKE,
IF WE LIVE IN SURROUNDINGS WE DISLIKE
ENORMOUS STRESS CAN COME FROM OUR KIN
TO GET OUT OF ARGUMENTS WE DID NOT BEGIN.
DIFFERENT FACTORS CAUSING STRIFE
AND TURBULENCE IN OUR LIFE.
PAIN RESTRICTS WHAT WE STILL CAN PERFORM
EMBARRASSED BY THE THOUGHT ITS BELOW NORM.
WE KEEP ON TRYING THE BEST WE CAN
WHILE TAKING THE NEEDED REST ON THE DIVAN,
AND WONDERING HOW IT ALL BEGAN.

URSULA
—–

we must adjust
oh God, it is so hard to adjust
but we’ll learn that adjust we must.
cut off from all our yesterdays
before us life’s most demanding phase
our tomorrows hidden in impenetrable haze
merciful ignorance of what we’ll have to face
not to realize nor deal beforehand
with the test of how much pain we can stand
a test, unrelenting and without an end.
over our body we seem to have lost control
a mean  stranger buried himself in like a mole
our mind determines how much of us he stole
from day to day the fight goes on,
looking back one day, we’ll know we have won.
even though it was so hard to adjust,
we learnt, indeed, that adjust we must

URSULA
—–

FEAR OF FALLING
HOW COULD IT HAPPEN AGAIN THAT I FELL?
I KNOW IT WAS NOT A DIZZY SPELL.
WHEN IT TOOK PLACE, I WAS WIDE AWAKE,
‘CAUSE I MUST PAY ATTENTION TO EACH STEP I TAKE.
I KNOW WALKING PUTS MT BALANCE AT STAKE.
PLAYING TRICKS ON ME IS AN OLD STROKE,
WHICH LEFT ME FEELING THAT A HEAVY YOKE
HAD BEEN PLACED ON MY BODY’S CLUMSY LEFT SIDE
SOMETIMES I CAN’T HELP THAT I SLIP OR I SLIDE
INTO THE ARMS OF THE UNKNOWN,
LEAVING ME HELPLESS, FOR I CAN’T RISE ON MY OWN.
I KNOW MANY OTHERS, WHO SHARE MY FATE.
GOD GRANT THEM GOOD BALANCE AND A STEADY GAIT

URSULA
—–

THOUGHTS ON CENTRAL PAIN
WHO WANTS TO BE YOUNG,
WHILE SUFFERING THIS PAIN,
AND KNOW THAT NORMAL WE WON’T FEEL AGAIN.
WHO WANTS TO GET OLD,
WHEN PAIN KEEPS US IN BED, AS HAS BEEN FORETOLD.
I CAN GIVE YOU THE ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTIONNAIRE.
I WAS YOUNG WHEN KILLER PAIN STARTED,
NOW I AM OLD, IT’S STILL THERE.
I WENT THROUGH LIFE HUNGRY,
THOUGH I HAD ENOUGH FOOD
FOR THE DROP OF PAIN I HUNGERED AND A RISE IN MY MOOD.
WHENEVER SOME CROOK CAME BY,
WHO OFFERED A LURE,
AGAIN AND AGAIN I WOULD TRY
THE MOST OUTRAGEOUS”CURE”
I DID NOT WHIMPER OR CRY,
KEPT A STIFF UPPER LIP INSTEAD,
UNTIL I HAD AN  EPIPHANY”
THAT I WANTED TO BE DEAD.”
COUNTLESS NIGHTS BYGONE
I LAY SLEEPLESS TO THIS DAY,
COMES THE TIME THAT I CAN’T SHOULDER ON
I’LL LET THE GUN SPEED ME ON MY WAY.

URSULA
—–

LOOKING BACK
HOW DID I GET HERE I WONDER?
WHEN LIFE ONCE SEEMED SO LONG
T’WAS YEARS AGO,  WHEN I WAS STILL YOUNG.
I HAD ENTERED A PATH FULL OF LONGING AND HOPE.
FORGET-ME-NOTS WERE BLOOMING ON  WOODED SLOPE.
OVER MOSSY STONES A BROOK SPUN A SPARKLING NET
THE WORLD SPREAD A SOFT CARPET
ON WHICH MY FEET SEEMED FIRMLY SET.
LITTLE I KNEW WHAT LIFE FOR ME HAD IN STORE
HOW SOON STONY FIELDS WOULD RUB MY FEET SORE
WHY DIDN’T I KNOW, WHEN LIFE TO A FORK US LEADS
THE WRONG PATH CHOSEN INTO FURTHER WRONG ALLEYS FEEDS.
LOOKING BACK WITH OLD AND TIRED EYES
I KNOW I HAVE DRUNK FROM A WELL GRANTED THE WISE
WITHHELD FROM ME WHEN I WAS STILL YOUNG,
WHEN LIFE SEEMED ROSY, AND YEARS AHEAD STRETCHED LONG.
NOW I KNOW WITH A MERE BACKWARD GLANCE
THAT OUR DAYS ON EARTH ARE SHORT
AND IF AT THE CROSSROADS OUR CHANCE
IS MISSED
THE RESIDUE OF THE WRONG CHOICE THRU LIFE WILL PERSIST.

URSULA
—–

RETURN OF THE TANGO
it might have been about a year,
that in my eyes burnt disappointment’s bitter tear
how keen its prickle I felt on my hand
to let me know my tango ritual must end.
moments of scant import we may recall in life
as they cut through our consciousness sharp as a knife,
really just a short moment
can assume an impact so potent
that we never forget
even the mere feeling of a tear
staying on our hand so clear
while time in our mind becomes a blur, a smear.
my tango sessions had seemed a thing of the past
the pain in my failing hip seemed forever to last
but it so happened that the surgeon’s knife
gave me another look at my life.
it suddenly occurred to me
dancing the tango was a possibility
why not give it a try?
what if a little session went awry?
at least, i will have said to my fears good bye.
and so it came about
that almost forgotten tangos i tried out
while my severe back pain a deterrent was,
I took my cane as a partner to dance with more class

Ursula
—–

ON INSOMNIA
I   CANNOT SLEEP – THE NIGHT PRESSES IN ON ME.
THROUGH THE WINDOW THE FULL FACE OF THE MOON I SEE.
IT BATHES THE ROOM IN AN EERIE LIGHT
HE CLOCK’S RED NUMERALS SHINE MUCH TOO BRIGHT
TONIGHT ITS GLOWING FACE
UPSETS ME THE HANDS SLOWLY CRAWLING PACE
I REALLY SHOULD  MOVE THE CLOCK TO A HIDDEN PLACE
THE THOUGHT THAT THERE IS A SLEEPNESS NIGHT AHEAD
FILLS ME WITH A FAMILIAR DREAD.
YET THE CLOCK STILL DRAWS ME INTO ITS BAN
WHEN I KNOW ALREADY THAT IT ONLY CAN
ADD TO MY WOES THE NIGHT HAS BROUGHT
PILLS I HAVE TAKEN  SEEM  FOR NOUGHT.
BUT GRADUALLY THE CLOCK’S FACE APPEARS TO DIM
VAGUE THOUGHTS NOW BEGIN TO SWIM
INTO A DISTANCE I CAN’T SEE NOR HEAR
WITH WONDER I COME AWAKE, THE DAY IS NEAR
BEFORE THE WINDOW HOVERS A BLUISH DAWN
I SLEPT, THANK GOD, I MUMBLE WITH A YAWN.

URSULA

—–
About Ursula

32 Comments

  1. Anonymous says:

    liebe Uschi……Eine tolle Webseite, und eine tolle Frau. Du hast noch immer keine Fältchen im Gesicht. Was für eine schöne Haut Du hast. Und die Haare sind ja unheimlich schön. So dicke Haare habe ich schon lange nicht mehr. Glaube ich habe ich noch nie gehabt. Habe die Poems noch nicht alle gelesen, denn ich warte abgeholt zu werden. Meine Englische Freundin und Ihr Mann nehmen mich heute Abend zu einer Dinner Party….Ja heiss ist nichr das Wort dafür, heute hatten wir 106 und morgen soll es noch heisser werden. Ich bete nur das mein 29 Jahre alte Air condtioner aushält. Gerta sagt mir immer, so was muss man im Winter flicken lassen. Aber ich sage immer,”if it is’nt broke, don’t fix it”. Viele Grüsse….Rose

    • Jack says:

      Nice post I threw up a shortened viosern of this (more like a summary) on my blog, but definitely gave you credit with a link. Do you have any advertising spots on here? Hit me up on the email I left if you do.

      • Ursula Pegg says:

        UNFORTUNATELY PART OF WHAT I WROTE JUST GOT LOST, AT LEAST TO ME. I HAD EXPLAINED TO YOU WHY I DID NOT ANSWER YOUR COMMENTARY, AND I THANK YOU BELATEDLY. YOUR QUESTION ABOUT ADVERTISING SPOTS I CAN’T QUITE UNDERSTAND, UNLESS YOU MEAN http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1434964760, MY BOOK “WAR CHILD’S LOVE SONG”, WHICH OUR DOUG SHARP MENTIONED ON FACEBOOK IN THE MOST FAVORABLE TERMS ON FACEBOOK. WE ALL OWE HIM AND LOUISE A LOT OF THANKS FOR ALL THE WORK THEY DO IN OUR BEHALF. OF COURSE, THE BOOK HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH OUR PAIN. IT DESCRIBES IN PROSE AND RHYME MY WWII EXPERIENCES AND THE TIME UNDER HITLER – THE WAY IT REALLY WAS. MY PAIN AND OTHER THINGS THAT ARE WRONG WITH ME HAVE KIND OF FORCED ME TO TUNE OUT, AT LEAST FOR A WHILE. I DON’T KNOW HOW LONG YOU HAVE BEEN WITH US, BUT I CHECK THE EMAILS OF THE ALLIANCE REGULARLY. I’LL PROBABLY MEET YOU THERE.
        TAKE CARE, URSULA

  2. Anonymous says:

    THANK YOU DOUG FOR TELLING ME – OTHERWISE I WOULD HAVE MISSED IT. HALF OF ROSIE’S LETTER COMPLIMENTS ME ON MY SKIN AND MY HAIR.
    WHERE ARE ALL THE WRINKLES I SHOULD HAVE AT MY AGE?
    OF COURSE, THE PHOTO WAS TAKEN WHEN I WAS 72, NOT AN AGE KNOWN FOR PRODUCING SMOOTH SKIN. ROSIE, MY FRIEND, IS STILL AN EXCEPTIONALLY BEAUTIFUL WOMAN. SHE IS AN AQUARIAN, SO AM I. WE HAVE BEEN FRIENDS FOR MANY YEARS.
    I AM GLAD YOU FOLLOW THE DEMANDS OF YOUR SHAKY HEALTH AND TAKE TIME OFF.I AM JUST EVER SO TIRED ALL MORNING LONG. BY THE WAY, THE GERMAN LETTER COMES FROM SOUTH CAROLINA. NEITHER ONE OF US WOLL PROBABLY EVER SEE GERMANY AGAIN.
    TAKE CARE! LOVE, URSULA

  3. Anonymous says:

    Dear Aunt Ursula just read your poems wish I were closer so I might help you it breaks my heart to know of the pain you suffer I have nerver pain so I understand it is the worst of pain but mine is not that sever. I do love you so beautiful you are just wish your pain could be relived Love Barbara

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